21st November 2022

Something is missing.

It’s been missing since last Saturday.

But I only noticed yesterday.

How did I not see that it was gone for two days?

Something I’ve looked at every day for four years.

Let us say it was because of the snow showers…

A feeble excuse. I notice stuff. Stuff that doesn’t matter. Especially things I care about!

It has to be a magic trick. Do you see what I mean?

The lowering sun caught the tops of the tallest trees.

Why would anyone care?

No idea, but I took a picture.

If I noticed that….

Things will get worse when I start drinking!

What? Why? Drinking?

Driven to it by the medical profession.

How is a 74-year old socially awkward woman going to stand up against that sorry gang?

That’s why I may take to hard liquor.

“Oh surely not, missus!”

“You may forget to supply our nuts!”

“Then where will we be?”

It seems The Powers That Be have determined this old drug-addicted woman must be detoxed.

They will generously allow me some months.

How kind.

Unlike a certain ex-president, I have no appeals.

As it happens, I was afraid of this.

So I tried a preliminary test, reducing the dose by 50%.

That sounds a lot but 50% of almost nothing….

Two days passed. But that night….

*&^%$Ā£@ said Brain. WTF?

So I halved a half…and took another quarter.

But other things were occurring.

My stomach felt as if I had swallowed caustic soda.

And on the third night, more protests from Brain.

“No! You can’t do this!”

Skin crawling, bones vibrating,

A feeling of impending DOOM.

And it is said that the last step is the worst.

Oh glory.

I can’t wait.

This is why I may take up drinking.

“Oh now. No you won’t!” said Lily.

Willow urged: “We’d better keep an eye on her!”

“I’ll just add it to my list of duties.”

Cloudy skies ahead?

So did you work out what I missed?

The shame of it.

7 thoughts on “Gone

  1. At our age, giving up on something like that is very hard. I only managed to give up smoking 10 years ago by changing to vaping. I also cut down drastically on drinking red wine, but I feel the need of one large glass each evening to maintain some ‘equilibrium’. I hope that you can get through it, Carolyn.
    Best wishes, Pete.

    1. Thank you, Pete. It’s not possible to explain what the withdrawal is like. I daresay you will have had to deal with people suffering from some variety of it. When a hospital neglected to administer the drug (it took me two such events to work out why this was) I got into a dreadful state and was on the point of resorting to violence at which point I realized that it wasn’t just depression I was dealing with. I grabbed the first nurse who came by and told her she had better get me something fast. It is frightening to find that you have such uncontrollable anger. When it happened another time I was literally banging my head against a wall. Its an uncomfortable subject but people should be aware. In this country doctors treat symptoms which often exacerbates the real problem. Drug manufacturers are big business and they don’t care a bit about people. We are just pawns in their game. As you know, I am very cynical and not a little angry!
      A glass of red wine a day I am sure is good for you. After all in France kids grow up drinking it.

  2. Gone? I have no idea … but saw that Gail commented it might be ‘your’ tree? Oh my, I didn’t know the withdrawal symptoms are so severe. Can’t you make it like 75% (though, I don’t know how one would get 75% of a tablet) and then gradually make it less? I’ll keep you in my prayers, hugs from SA šŸ’Œ.

    1. Thank you! Yes, it’s the tree šŸ™ I am trying to reduce that med a fraction at a time, though the pills are very small. Amazing that the absence of a few grains can have such a devastating effect. It should never be used in the first place! It’s a little frustrating.

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