In all times of stress there is a pinnacle, a point of no return, as it were. At that point one of two things can happen.
Either the goal will appear achievable and worth the efforts of battling on toward it, or the goal will fade, obscured by the increasingly difficult challenges that must be faced, in which case:
Surrender.
More than likely, it will be not one thing that pushes you forward or back, but rather a combination of factors.
Years ago, an older cousin observed to me that I had been a ” very determined” little girl and I have never considered myself to be a quitter.
Problems need to be dealt with, not abandoned or they will just become bigger problems.
But yesterday I capitulated. ENOUGH.
.
It did not help that early yesterday morning I got eight trigger point injections and so was slightly less than my normal resilient self. (If Grant reads this he will howl)
After days of struggle, I thought there was a glimmer of light at the end of the dark tunnel through which I travelled, toward conversion to Windows 11.
The one thing I had managed with efficient speed, was connecting my printer to the new beast. And when I managed to activate the scan function, relief!
But not for long.
Chasing my photographs having become such a chore, I thought to share the scanned image of a card, sent to me by Linda. Isn’t it lovely? *
What is very easily accomplished in the Apple system became the stumbling block at which I drew the line.
The sense of relief was immediate.
Suddenly the sun was shining again, the birds singing.
Not that either one had stopped, in fact.
.
For days it was like trying to swim through mud. With surrender I broke free and could breathe again.
So I’m a quitter. Not really. I’ve just chosen not to struggle needlessly when life in the 21st century is in itself a source of constant anxiety.
No, not for me personally, at least not currently.
We can choose not to watch or read the news, or to stress over trying to discern the truth.
Maybe, if you have never strayed far from home it is possible. To live within very narrow horizons.
There is nothing wrong with living that way, but human instinct is to explore and reach beyond.
We would be a better species, I believe, if we did not have this insatiable appetite for more.
.
Because, inevitably, more for me means less for you.
It isn’t that most people are unwilling to share, it’s that there are always, in any society, those who are bullies by nature. They will always take more and they will do it by force without a second thought.
So others must choose which way to lean. Then, there is always the fear “what if I lose what I have?”
As always, my thoughts are simple. I always reduce things to the lowest common denominator.
Complicated thoughts and flowery language are for philosophers.
My anthropology professor warned me, long ago:
“Anthropologists won’t save the world, philosophers will.”
All my eggs were in the anthropology basket. Switching majors was not an economically viable option.
I still wanted to save the world, but at the age of 19 it was as if I had my feet planted in setting concrete.
At that time I could barely save myself, far less the world.
Which is another of those excuses I am so good at.
My uncle, who was, I’ll say difficult, was fond of telling me that I was full of excuses. When you are challenged constantly to explain every single thing you do, every choice you make, it becomes a habit.
It’s something I am very much aware of and I cross-examine myself all the time.
It is so easy to say “well what could I have done to change things?”
.
People said, about Nazi Germany “how could they not have known? How could they let it happen?”
Often I ask myself how we, my generation, allowed big business to become so powerful that it was impossible to restrain the destruction they wrought.
With the devastation of two world wars so immediately in our rear view, we the ‘baby boomers’ should have been the generation to find a better way.
Like everyone, I have had disappointments. None really mattered except that we failed so completely.
Many of my generation feel as I do.
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Now you’re thinking:
“She should have taken more down time!”
However, two positives came from my abortive struggle.
Turning off the new beast, I shifted over to the adjacent desk which gave me a different view, always a good thing. You never know what you miss!
Additionally, I appropriated Lucy’s chair (!), discovering that it suits me better. It improves my posture and gives me better access to the keyboard.
.
Now I think I shall have a cup of tea before I go out to view the mess that is my garden.
It looks a bit thirsty.
.
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*Linda’s lovely card is from a Vermont artist:
Shawn Braley: http://www.shawnbraley.com
I was reading your story to the end … and then went back to the top to watch your photos (not just once or twice, but three times)! And I now know why – they have an amazing brightness that catches the eye. If that is how ‘surrender’ looks, I’m all for it!
Your website would not allow me to post my comment.
Joanna
There are things happening that I don’t comprehend. Starting with messages sent as if from me of pornographic content. I changed passwords etc but I don’t know why it would affect anything else. Sorry Joanna! I promise it’s not my doing.
You don’t have to understand, just do it. If it doesn’t work, try it again. Within two weeks you will be a wizard photo manipulator. Money back guarantee!
Glad you think so!
Trust me, I’m a doctor. (I’m not really!)
I can understand the desire to surrender and find peace doing something else. If not for the help and advice of other bloggers, I would have given up on posting photos a long time ago. As for the rest, there have been times when my computer was destined to be thrown out of the window.
Looking back, I wonder if my life would have ben better without it. I would certainly have read more books, and watched more films.
Online life is not unlike drug addiction. One day away, and you wonder how you ever coped without it.
Best wishes, Pete.
Very true as I realised when I found myself suddenly in hospital last year. My blog has become so much a part of my day, not just the writing and posting photos, but I enjoy seeing what everyone else is up to. I am very shy, socially awkward and I find having friends online is something I enjoy and can manage!