Thank you very much to everyone who sent such kind messages after the loss of our sweet Lucy this past Saturday.
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Our very kind veterinary clinic always calls to check on the progress of their patients.
What an awful way to start your day and week, finding out that a pet has died, unexpectedly. But I couldn’t think of an easy way to say it.
In due course, I will tell the doctor who saw Lucy what happened, as I am sure she will want to know.
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Not that I have an answer, only a guess.
My feeling is that Lucy had some sort of brain incident. While she was sedated by the pain medication, she seemed to be comforted by my cradling her.
But when the effect wore off, she only wanted to hide, running from me. Which is why I left her alone in a safe space.
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If she had to die, I am grateful that it wasn’t on a cold table in the clinic setting that terrified her.
But I am anguished that there was no way I could help her. I hate that she died alone, even though I know that’s often what animals choose.
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Many feel it is inappropriate to grieve for animals. They will allow for a little sadness after which you should do the right thing by taking in another pet, but grief should only be expended for people.
If grieving for animals makes one emotionally weak, well then that’s what I am and have always been and I feel no need to apologise for it.
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Some say pets are like children, which is why losing them is so hard.
It is understandable how someone who has actually lost a child would find this offensive. If you think about it, it’s an incautious remark.
So, I understand why those people think grief over animals is inappropriate.
But I think such people do not understand where our grief comes from. Why would they? I don’t really understand it myself.
Crying over animals is something I have done since my mother read me bedtime stories. Since the movie Bambi.
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What is the correct/recommended way of dealing with a child who cries over sad stories? As far as I can recall, no-one made any attempt to comfort me or to explain that those were only stories.
Would it have made a difference? I wonder has there been any research about this?
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Some parents for any variety of reasons, are not able to properly express love to their children.
My father simply didn’t want any. Mum did and she was very kind, doing all the things mums are supposed to, but she was not physically expressive and not given to even saying she loved us.
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It seems to me that children need cuddling and verbal endearments.
I have always wanted to cuddle every animal I met. Occasionally it didn’t work out well, but this did not discourage me.
These days I am a little more cautious.
Thank you, Carolyn, for your thoughts, and you are right to grief as you remember the famous
saying, grief is the price we pay for love. We and some animals feel the same strong emotional love to those they love. Remember, the case of the Scottish dog who would not leave his friend’s grave, and has a statue to honor his extraordinary life. He stay by the side of the grave until he died, years later. People were so moved by his devotion that he was fed every day there. I know more such cases, and loving an animal in such a way, makes us more human.
Joanna
Yes, there are many stories like that and no doubt many more that have never been told.
Mourning Lucy as long as it takes Carolyn. You’ve been through this many times before and know that it’s part of the healing process (although I don’t know if you ever fully heal after the passing of a beloved pet). I understand the loss you feel with Lucy’s passing (as well as all your other cats). Since we never had children, this is probably the closest it must feel to losing a child.
Each new loss brings up all those others, each so poignant in its own way,
Grieving for pets is genuine grief, and I don’t care who says it isn’t. They are a loss to the family in the same way as a parent, child, or sibling, in my opinion. And being told to get a new pet to replace them is offensive as far as I am concerned.
Best wishes, Pete.
The mistake people make is in assuming that everyone must be as they are and anything different can’t be right. As you say, grief is grief and one should never feel one must suppress it.
Every loss of one of my pets has affected me the same way. I am always overcome with grief that seems it will never subside, but then, it always does fade just a bit each day. Of course, I never completely get over them and it seems to me, that each time is the worst. In reality, none are worse. It’s just that the one you are losing now is paramount in your mind. I have never wanted to replace one. That can’t be done. The next one has to just happen the way it’s supposed to. They will always have a way of finding us when the time is right. Please grieve for sweet Lucy as long as you need to.
I thought I would never get over losing Yeti. Then one day I found myself deeply in love with Panther whose loss I could not get past. For 18 months I mourned, less each day but I couldn’t seem to find my way out. One day I looked out of my window and saw two green eyes looking at me from the ivy on the hill where my house sat. We put a trap out for the little cat we saw and in she came. No hissing and spitting. She climbed out into my lap purring and looked up at me. “Panther sent you, didn’t he?” I asked. That was how Willow arrived. Yes, they find you when the time is right and yes, it gets harder each time.
I take no heed of what others may think, or say. We still “see” our cats run across the stairs, long after they have died. They will be with us for ever, and that is exactly as it should be!