Such a very simple thing in which to take such delight.
As ever, the storm passed.
Grant cast shovels-full of snow aloft where it emphasized the depth of blue above.
There were also some new frost images to capture:
There is so much comfort in Nature. But I don’t want to be comforted. I feel it would be very wrong for me to seek comfort, for it is not I who suffers.
What good are tears?
Tears serve no purpose against monsters but I can barely hold them back.
Perspective. What perspective?
Unable to think straight, I added a few words to what I laughingly call a poem, an outlet for despairing thoughts.
That I shall probably keep to myself.
Better to write words of encouragement and cheer.
But I have none.
So I determined to divert myself somehow.
On Friday I had received responses to questions sent through patient portals to members of my medical “team”. (Ha!)
They were most unhelpful.
In my mind there is an image of a ping pong ball in a doubles match wherein I am the ball and my medical doctors are the players.
What I feel is that I must, at the earliest opportunity, avoid the bats and roll off the table, concealing myself under a large piece of very heavy furniture.
Time to order my mind and make a new plan.
So I opened a fresh document and began to type, starting from my arrival back in New York, in 2018.
3 pages later, I was done.
Deliberately, I had not restrained the flow of words that described my experience with the medical “system”.
So there was a fair smattering of sarcasm and not a little emotion. For the sake of credibility, those would have to be removed,
before I presented the document to…
Tomorrow I must start the search for a different practitioner who may be willing to prescribe the medications I need without the added requirement of a psychiatrist.
Him, and his attitude, I definitely do not need. Being treated as old and simple-minded by someone in that profession verges on abuse.
My problems are insignificant.
With no God to pray to, I have nothing to offer but my very unsophisticated and basic thoughts.
May the monsters rot.
May there be peace.