Grey is the colour

0719/10th February 2022

A good start to what turned into a grey day.

Grey in every way.

The distant hills got fresh snow last night.

Our Sun tried hard to dissipate the grey but I was not filled with optimism as we set off once more to “Behavioral Health.”

One must always keep an open mind. I subscribe firmly to this notion, but there is a vibe about the building where I had the rendezvous with my new psychiatrist.

It’s a grey building with a grey feel.

In due course, having filled in the inevitable questionnaire, I was summoned by a grey man in an over-sized grey suit who cast a grey look at me that communicated a considerable lack of enthusiasm for the meeting.

If we had been mask-free, I doubt there would have been any attempt at a smile. Smiles can be detected in one’s eyes. His eyes were grey and cold.

Fair enough. Who wants to inherit an old ruin with “issues”? But he could have tried not to look quite so utterly bored.

As ever, I’m prepared to accept that it was my interpretation and I read it incorrectly.

All I can say is that I sat for 30 minutes feeling at once an old nuisance and a naughty school girl who was not following the rules…

Because I was honest about how I take the anxiety medication. I have trouble sleeping and sometimes take the 3 pills I am allowed all at bed time.

No, no, no! If I do that, I shall not get my prescription renewed. I must take it during the day. Like I’m supposed to, for goodness sake.

How unreasonable can an old woman be?

The fact is, my doctor in Washington State prescribed this medication at more than double the strength but I weaned myself down to the lower amount.

During the day I don’t like taking the medication because it makes me tired and I don’t usually need it.

But fine, I can “agree” to do as I’m told.

The Grey Man wanted to know what other anti-depressants I have tried, all the while typing into his computer screen. Maybe he was answering emails. He didn’t seem much interested in the list I rattled off.

He zeroed in on a particular drug that is no doubt the one they are currently encouraged to prescribe. Amazingly, it is cheap. But I’ve taken it before and I had to abandon it, only I couldn’t remember why, so I allowed myself to be persuaded to try it again.

As I said to the Man, all I want is to reach the End with a minimum of drama and discomfort. I don’t feel I shall get much support from my current “team”.

Though I don’t include Pain Management in that lot.

Yesterday I was back at their clinic to get 5 injections in my neck and shoulder which seemed to loosen things up, for now at least. That doctor is nice and they do try to help. But as I sat waiting, having been registered for the umpteenth time, answering the same questions and listening to the same mind-numbing script all around me, I asked myself:

“How much longer can I do this?

Just getting injections involves SO MUCH computer input, so many signatures. I feel caught in some ridiculous game.

“How bad is the pain?”

Usually, when I have been driven somewhere, the movement involved dissipates the aches and pains somewhat. But inevitably, if I am there to have my wrist treated, that day it will be my ankle that hurts more. Then, “on a scale 1-10? ” It’s meaningless because everyone interprets things differently.

So you say whatever you think they want to be able to tell the insurance company.

My really favourite people. The last statement I received, also for an injection, indicated that Medicare had approved the injection (for a fraction of the billed amount), but they denied the use of X-ray guidance.

*So they expect the doctor to just shove a needle in any old where. GREAT!

As I was leaving my appointment this morning, a woman was entering carrying her small child, so I stepped back to give her space, not realizing that there was an empty magazine rack on the wall.

Crunch went my recently treated shoulder. Which was somewhat unhelpful, but not as unhelpful as some of the medical people I’ve been in touch with lately.

Covid. Yes, I’ve heard that excuse.

But I reserve my right to moan.

*The doctor has to use X-ray guidance which is billed at the same insane price as the injection itself. In theory, since Medicare denies the charge, I can be billed for this. But no-one tells you so. Will a bill be forthcoming? Will I be able to pay it?

It seems to be all part of the GAME.

4 thoughts on “Grey is the colour

  1. This sounds like a really-really grey day! And you’re right, you can see a smile in someone’s eyes … and with these masks, I even try to smile wider for someone to see 😄! While others, it seems, use the mask as a great excuse not to smile at all 😒.

  2. Grey men in grey buildings seems to sum up so much about the society we live in.
    And your experience with the X-ray and billing is another reason to to be glad we still have the NHS here.
    Best wishes, Pete.

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