“Is this the complaints department?”
“It’s all in one, Master Sparrow.”
“What’s wrong now? Not enough seed? Wrong sort of seed? Rowdy neighbours…?”
“No, missus. It’s our bush! Have you noticed?”
“Hard not to. It’s in front of my window.”
“Good then you’ll be attending to it?”
.
“Hmmm.”
“Now about those neighbours you mentioned…:”
“Which ones in particular?”
.
“Grackles, missus.”
“When the beastly Starling babies came, we packed up and went on holiday.”
“Now we come back to a bashed-up bush and greedy Grackles.”
.
“I say. Can anyone get in on this?”
“Why of course, Mr Redwing.”
So then they all ganged up.
.
They put their heads together and made a list of grievances.
“Evidence!” I demanded.
“I need evidence.”
.
“Bozo wouldn’t let me get water!”
.
“They took over the bathing facilities!”
“Mrs Sparrow had to put up with verbal abuse!”
“Just to get a beak full of water!”
“Warm water, by the way. Supposed to be cold.”
“Just saying…”
.
“How did I end up in the middle of this?”
“Is it always like this?”
.
“Oh yes. But you’re welcome to share my carrot.”
“I do like your shoes!”
Making polite excuses, Ms Pigeon flapped off.
.
Leaving the Sparrow-Redwing meeting to compares notes.
.
A Grackle arrived at just that moment, so a delegation of volunteers went to keep him distracted.
So the meeting could continue in secrecy.
.
Grackle was astonished by the grovelling.
“Something’s up here besides their bottoms!”
“I’m not that handsome.”
“Especially with my face like this!”
.
“Wasn’t there something you needed to say, Mr Redwing?”
“Your poor child gets pushed around.”
“I said ‘shoo’ but I’m just a sparrow.”
.
“You should stand up for your child!”
raged Mrs Sparrow.
“Instead of stuffing your own face!”
.
At last the meeting broke up.
Off they shot.
Leaving the valiant few behind.
With every faith they‘d sort it all out.
.
“Bad neighbours, insufficient seed, poor parenting, low-quality accommodations!”
“It lies heavy on me, the responsibility”
sighed Mr Sparrow
.
I said I’d see what could be done and off he went in his little worry cloud.
“Don’t pay him too much attention.”
said Mrs Sparrow who remained behind
“He exaggerates.”
.
Weighing heavy may well be what is wrong with that bush.
As you can see it’s profile seems to be lowering.
5 years ago we couldn’t see the field beyond. It seems to be disappearing down the slope.
.
Most of the new growth has gone ratty.
That’s my technical term for it.
This part I think is due to the excessive sparrow-perching.
.
My evidence!
.
But I think there is more to it.
The bush seems to have undergone some sort of transformation.
Its lower limbs are extending into the grass as if it believes itself to have become a creeper.
Maybe it’s running away? I came up with another theory too.
Our groundhog population is much reduced this year.
Groundhogs have extensive burrows.
What if part of this burrow collapsed?
Causing most of our residents to re-locate and pulling the bush down the slope.
.
“Oh dear! Will everything be alright?”
“Oh yes. You guys can sit in the other hedge and the groundhogs will dig another tunnel.”
“Hedge. Now is it a hedge or is it a bush?”
I loved this interchange.
I recommend that you leave a third of the hedge as it is, prune the next third down to 2/3 of the original height, and the final third down to 1/3 of the original height.
Thank you, Carolyn, for the lovely exchange. I agree with Peter’s recommendation.
Joanna
I guess it’s a case of “you’ll have to learn to live with your neighbours” here 🙂 . Good luck in the ‘complaints department’ and with the repair of the hedge/bush … it’s hard to please everyone!
The Groundhog eating his carrot seems to be at peace in the surroundings, unlike the argumentative birds.
Best wishes, Pete.