“Heady” conversations

Carolyn’s brain on  any given night:

.........."She’s reading again......:

Instruction to eye lids…..”you’re feeling very heavy…sooo heavy...

Instruction to Carolyn: “Close the book, light off. Head down".....


…10 minutes later….

Instruction to "restless" legs: “Things are crawling on you, crawling all over...

Instruction to Carolyn: “Move the cat/s, turn over….and repeat!”....

Instruction to legs: “Things are still crawling…”

Carolyn to brain: “Oi! What’s going on?”

Brain to Carolyn: “Ha! Thought you were going to sleep, didn’t you? WAKEY WAKEY!”

Carolyn: “Fine. Where’s my book? Shit, I lost my place….”

        .........…reads the same text for the 14th time....

Brain to eyes:  “Heavy….sooo heavy….”

...Carolyn drops book, cat/s levitate:

Cat to cat:  “Miaowl! Hiss, spit!!!….Watch who you’re stepping on!!”

Carolyn: “Damn!”

Carolyn to brain “Can we go to sleep NOW?”

Brain to Carolyn: “Maybe. What you going to give me?”

Carolyn to brain: “Nothing. I’m ignoring you.”

Carolyn: Deep breathing, in, out, in, out…

Brain to Carolyn : “I’m still HERE!!!”

Carolyn: “F… Off!”

Brain to C: “I can’t. We’re attached.” 

Carolyn: “Fine!” …stumbling through dark living room: ”Ow! Damn. Who put that there?”

Brain to Carolyn: “You going to give me something?”

Carolyn: “No!” Rubs ointment on nervous legs. “Now calm down and stop twitching!”

…going back to bed…steps on Toby….(again) “Shit! Must you sleep there?"

Carolyn: “Right. Here we are again”.  Reading…reading…

...Clock going around, and around…

Carolyn to brain: “You going to give me a break?”

Brain to Carolyn: “Perhaps….”

Cat/s to Carolyn….”Can we come back now?”

Carolyn to cat/s: “Climb aboard. No. Not there! Lie down, Blackie!” (moves cat from face)

Clock goes around….Carolyn now almost asleep...

….0300 hours…..Patches to Carolyn: “Hi! I need to lick your ears and chew your hair!”

Carolyn: “Moan”…

Tick tock tick tock....

…0600…..Cat/s to anyone in earshot: “Sun’s up! BREAKFAST!!!!” 


Brain to Carolyn:: “Right, I’m switching off now. Over to you!'


Insomnia was a real problem to me for many years.

Typically, the only medication which helped became very unpopular when it was reported that it made some people homicidal. So that was that.

Sleep surveys. I did two of those. How were they going to survey my sleep when I could not achieve it?

The second time I was given a sleeping pill.

Tests were inconclusive.

It became fairly problematic when I could not stay awake at work. And when I fell asleep driving home.

There were times at work, when I was so dog tired and so cold, I would huddle up in a corner. My work got done, but there were some tasks that were rather mind-numbing and it was a battle.

Of course I sought help, fearing I would be fired, or worse, cause an accident while driving.

A brain scan was ordered. It did not reveal anything sinister. I was borderline narcoleptic. But I was told I had scar tissue. Had I ever had a head injury?

Not that I was aware of. Just last year I was asked when I got my nose broken.

That was news too!

As was the scoliosis I was diagnosed with at age 54.

In 2017 I began experiencing double vision. I put it down to Botox treatments I was getting for headache.

My neurologist didn’t believe the two were related but she ordered another brain scan. No mention of scar tissue. Or anything else.

So I shall be fascinated to learn what an ophthalmic neurologist will have to tell me.

My very nice and excellent eye doctor confirmed yesterday that there has been a significant change to my eyesight in the very short time since I got my new lenses, but she was clearly quite puzzled about it.

Sitting in the waiting room while a receptionist made phone calls to obtain a consult with the specialist, I thought to myself “why did you open your big yap?”

It just means more running around and very likely won’t accomplish anything.

In my customary, disorganized way, I now have to navigate the channels of yet another medical specialty during the transition to a new primary care physician.

Definitely should have kept mouth shut.

It’s all too much trouble.

Many years ago I came to the conclusion that I am a medical mystery, borderline for dozens of things…

There are countless far worse things to be than borderline, so I’m not complaining.

10 thoughts on ““Heady” conversations

  1. This is sad, Carolyn, as I can imagine how difficult it must be not to sleep soundly, still you manage to take fantastic sky pictures, which means you are the winner!


      1. My aunt left her body to a medical school when she was 75. Then she lived to the age of 91 and they ‘declined to accept’ her. So she had a funeral after all.
        Best wishes, Pete.

  2. One thing about doctors, they do love to ‘pass you around’ to their colleagues. Once you are trapped in their circular system, it is game over for us ordinary people.
    Best wishes, Pete.

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