This is depressing. Please don’t let me bring you down…
Itching, scratching,baking I do not like July. It makes me want to cry But why? When so many of my kind... Vast numbers come to mind, Have good reason for tears, So very many fears, While here I sit Discomfited a bit.
When I was young Some things were done That could have made me weep My path was sometimes steep. Yet never did I cry Or hold a tear in my eye. It seems I've come unravelled The more I have travelled Along life's rugged path To my current hearth.
My brain can no more deal With all that I feel. A coward I've become Beneath July's strong sun. I can no longer cope With the dreadful scope Of mankind's iniquity Of our dreadful heredity.
Two days ago we had an intense thunderstorm, directly overhead. The cats were not happy, crowding down to the basement with Grant, while I ran from window to window delighting in it.
Thunderstorms are very bad for aviation and often not that great for people on the ground, but I have always loved a good storm. Not the lightning which I know to be wary of, but the crash of thunder and the sound of pouring rain.
As a kid, in Asia, I loved to run outside in the monsoons and feel the rain hitting my head and running down my face.
Often, a good thunderstorm will clear the atmosphere and that day, when I went outside afterwards, there was a delightfully cool breeze. But within an hour the humidity and heat was back, sitting like a damp blanket on top of us.
Why should I care, now that I have the new air conditioner?
Believe me, I know how lucky I am. I say it every day, several times a day, but I can’t seem to clear my brain.
Watching a bad situation from a remote distance has always been a problem for me. I am not a good spectator.
It’s not because I am brave. Far from it. Maybe it’s that I have too active an imagination and I start inventing what I think could be happening.
Being there, in the middle of something, I know what is happening as it happens and I can choose what to do, or not do about it.
Being a spectator is a bit like watching a movie where something is creeping up on your hero and you want to scream “RUN!”
Yesterday morning, instead of doing other things, I sat for hours watching videos on YouTube until I could take it no more.
Every time I think the human species has sunk to a new low, some other dreadful thing happens.
Grant seems surprised that he has been so flattened by the devastation in South Africa. He had thought himself, as he says “to be ‘over it’.”
It would astonish me if he wasn’t affected, particularly as his mother and many friends are still there, in the middle of it.
Not long ago, I wrote that I’ve been thinking about South Africa for a very long time, I can’t say precisely why. Maybe it was that I had read about it and I was fascinated by the history and the tremendous social complications.
It seemed like a human situation that needed worrying about, which doesn’t mean I was a great predictor of events or human behavior. Worrying is the one thing I have always been really good at. There are plenty of other places I worry about, as if, when things start to go wrong, like in the movies I can yell “STOP! Don’t do it!”
As if anyone would listen in any case.
Wasn’t that the idea of the United Nations? To call “Time out” and prevent the kind of human disasters we see increasingly, all over the globe? What exactly is the function of the UN these days? I don’t think they are very good at it.
As in all human disasters, there are people who rise to the occasion and South Africa is no exception. People are coming together to share what they have and to offer protection where they can. It is inspiring that in the face of so much loss they still have the spirit of community.
This ought to be comforting. To me it isn’t, but then I am depressive by nature, so you should not allow my mood to bring you down.