It occurred to me while looking through recent photographs that I could have a whole album dedicated to route 372.
Our every journey begins on 372.
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Yesterday was one of our regular trips.
To the vet.
Often we are subjected to a mournful serenade all the way there.
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Muffin and Lily were silent.
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For Muffin, it was a routine blood draw for a thyroid check.
Lily had an appointment.
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Years ago, when I first had cats, I was told tumours in cats tend to be cancerous.
Yeti had one removed and came home with a fetching green bandage on her tail.
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After finding a lump on Panther, I whisked him off to have it removed.
Mercifully in both cases the tumours were benign, but I always worry and over the years I have had many lumps evaluated.
While several of my cats succumbed to cancer, it never began with a noticeable lump. But I always get them checked.
Even when I am fairly certain it may be a simple blemish.
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Lily had a lump under her chin. Over the weekend it seemed to have shrunk, but we had the appointment booked and I am always happy to be told I overreacted.
“You’re not seriously telling people I had a pimple?”
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Lily has the chronic condition Panther had:
Eosinophilic granuloma.
It manifests as itchy lesions which cause excessive grooming and resulting sores.
Lily is treated with twice a week prednisolone which is rubbed into an ear and this keeps the condition under control.
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Help with the Christmas Cards 2010
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Thimphu dozed off.
It was all too much for a small boy.
But Panther liked to participate in all activities.
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Upstairs and down!
At speed!
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Panther was the Main Man.
His form of EG manifested as mouth ulcers and was much harder to manage. To keep it in check, he was on daily prednisolone and as a result he developed kidney disease.
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When accepting responsibility for an animal, you have to be prepared for all that comes with it.
Dogs and cats and especially bunnies, have such short lives, so you know there will be heartache.
It is part of the contract.
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My heart has broken uncountable times over the death of a beloved animal.
Giving cats up for adoption when I had the foster home was painful too, but that was different.
What I find hardest is the decision making.
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How can we know we are doing the right thing?
Loving my cats with all my heart does not make me infallible.
There have been times when I knew one of my cats was at the end. The light goes out of their eyes. In such cases, it is easier to accept.
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But what about choosing forms of treatment?
Cats get tartar on their teeth which can cause other health issues. Feeding kibble may help but it may cause kidney trouble.
We took one of the fosters to have his teeth cleaned. As an after effect from the anesthesia, he got a blood clot and had a stroke.
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Simon was the sweetest little black cat. He had only been with me a very short time but his death was hard to take.
Lucy’s death was overshadowed by the deaths of Penny and Toby, but I find myself still wondering if it was my fault.
Late one Thursday afternoon, I noticed that Lucy seemed unsettled. I watched a while and her behaviour suggested a possible urinary tract infection.
It’s something we are very familiar with.
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It was too late to see the vet, but we got an appointment for the next morning and we were recommended to give Lucy gabapentin for discomfort.
This was medication we regularly gave Penny for arthritis pain. When we had tried it on Toby, he frothed at the mouth and became disoriented.
So when Lucy reacted the way Toby had, we were not overly concerned. Lucy did not like being held, but that night it seemed to comfort her.
Next morning at the vet, Lucy was checked out and they could find nothing wrong. Her behaviour seemed normal. We picked her up late Friday afternoon.
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At home, Lucy still seemed disoriented but perhaps it was stress from spending time at the vet. After all, we had been told she was fine.
Now, when I attempted to comfort her, she struggled to get away and tried to hide.
Lucy was blind so we decided it would be best to place her in a room by herself where she would be safe.
Saturday morning, I found her dead.
In my mind I keep wondering if I had not thought Lucy was showing signs of urinary tract infection and not given her gabapentin, would she still be alive.
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It’s not that I feel I was given bad advice, but I have read reports from other people whose cats reacted badly to the drug, so I don’t know how to make peace with it. Until now, I haven’t been able to write about it.
Maybe it’s a start.
As always – thank-you.
Thank you, Carolyn, for today’s reflections.
Joanna
Carolyn, I do recognize how you are feeling about Lucy’s death….
When it happened to me, I would replay all of the days leading up to the passing of my sweet kitty.
Over and over….. wondering if I had failed, what could I have done differently? For months…..
Writing about it, and sharing your pain,will help you. I know it is heartbreaking, and difficult.
Please know that we do what we think is right for our loving pets, with the information we have at the time.
Lucy was loved by you. Please continue to find peace in that.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts,
Catherine đź’ś
Thank you Catherine.
It’s true what you say here Carolyn – when that light disappears in their eyes, we know it’s time. What can I say to comfort you … except that writing about trauma has always helped me. I hope it does for you too. Lucy must have known how much you loved her and with that wonderful thought she left this world.
I hope so. She was so agitated but I couldn’t calm her so I left her alone and that is how she died. Cats don’t think like people. I know this and need to remember how she always purred for me, how she always wanted to know where I was. Her blindness was very sudden and I wonder if she had some sort of brain problem that we would not have known about.
It is natural to blame ourselves. When I got Ollie’s diagnosis, my first thought was that I should have had the ‘cough’ investigated earlier. But the vet assured me that 6 days would have made no difference. Even so, I cannot help the feelings of guilt. Then he refused food today, so I went into ‘worry overdrive’. But there is little point taking him to the Vet, as we know only too well what is wrong with him.
Best wishes, Pete.
We do our best, it’s all anyone can do.
It is sad when a pet you are living with gets ill and dies. I am sure you have done everything you can to keep them wealthy, so don’t blame yourself for loosing your cat. Love them as long as they are with you. My cats are now 12 and 10. They are Norwegian forest cats and might live for even 20 years old. Both of them have problems with their teeth. Every year the vet cleans their teeth and sometimes takes away rotten tooth. The younger one has had several urinary infections. Now he has been healthy for over two years. The vet said he had stress and got the infection because of that. Take care of yourself and your cats!