Not that being asked to prove I am alive has made me depressed or anything, but I’ve been wondering of late, what do you do with “stuff” when you don’t have anyone to leave it to?
Stuff that has some value can be sold or auctioned but some things are really of value only to one who might know about their provenance or relevance.
There are nieces and nephews overseas but they are thousands of miles and generations away, so hardly an option.
Some months ago, I mentioned my fathers stamp collection. I made an effort to find it a home, but it is still in my cupboard.
But more than the stamps, I hate to think of my father’s photographs of 1950’s Cambodia being thrown out because they have historic value. Someone, somewhere would probably like to have them, but how do you find such people?
Bits of old Cambodian silver too. It is not of very high quality, but it is old and pre-dates the awful war.
Maybe it’s just better to let history go?
After all, we are only transitory, like these clouds.
Here today, gone tomorrow.
Yes, I’m in a strange “place”, at least my head is, but that too is temporary. Anti-depressants don’t work always and forever, so periodically one gets prescribed something different and of course it’s the old tapering trick. You can’t just stop one and start the other.
It isn’t fun, but it’s not like weaning off oxycodone, thank heaven.
When I feel this way, I think I shouldn’t write my blog, shouldn’t reveal these things about myself, but that is how it was most of my life. I kept everything to myself. Tried to smile when I wanted to howl and it was because on the rare occasions that I tried to reach out for understanding, I felt rejected. Maybe wasn’t meant that way. Maybe people don’t know what to say and so they clam up or change the subject. Sometimes, I was told not to feel sorry for myself. But that was by the person who was mentally tormenting me and largely the cause of my depression.
That’s the only reason I am going to post this. If someone reaches out to you from depression, don’t turn away. Stay and listen. You don’t have to do anything else. Just listen. Turning away from someone like me makes them feel there is something wrong with them, that they are worthless. And I don’t want people to feel like that.
Here are some more clouds that blew away…
My other clouds will blow away again soon…