It's been coming for a day or two now I felt it's tendrils, reaching out Circling me. "No", I said "It's not that" "It's all the bad news, "There's been so much "The Australian holocaust "The Middle East "It's enough to make one weep!" But it wasn't that. This morning at 8am tristesse crept up And enveloped me. The way she used to do, Sneaky, sudden Out of nowhere. But I knew she was back. Bitch. It's a feeling deep inside Like a wave passing through A spasm, almost though not quite It becomes impossible to speak The voice breaks down And you start to weep. "What's wrong?" someone will ask And what can you say? "I'm sad." "What about?' "Everything!!!" "I'm sad about our bird that died in 1956" "Sad about the beggar my dad shooed away in 1958" "Sad about the dandelion under the West Seattle Bridge....." "Wait, what, dandelions?" That's how it is. It doesn't make sense But can I stop it? Not at all, not by myself. So once more, resort to pills Even though the one I need Is a bad mix With some other I take Could make me sleepy, dopey And impair my judgment. That's the one that worries me As I'm inclined to do impulsive things Even when I'm "sane". But you cannot spend each day Weeping time away Feeling guilty for wasting time In such a pathetic way. If I could get my hands on you Tristesse, I'd pull you all apart I'd rip you to shreds And step on you And post you to the West Seattle Bridge You could live there with My dandelion. Bitch
Damn. It’s caught up with me again. Just another juggle of meds will send it on it’s way. I wish it didn’t make me feel like such a loser.
oh my dear, You are not alone.
I know and it really helps to be heard. For so many years no one seemed interested!
You’re not a loser. Far from it. My heart goes out to you. I understand. I have demons, too. I hope it passes quickly.
Stay strong. As the above says you are not a loser, far from it. Take care of yourself and my thoughts are with you
Thank you Stuart. I appreciate your thoughts.
Thank you. I expect it will. I am a lot better than I used to be. Lots more support!
I am sorry about your sadness!
I so understand!
My husband just this morning asked me, “what do you plan om doing today? “And I broke down and cried!
Sending you hugs!
Oh dear! It must be going around. Feel better!
I’m so sorry about your sadness and all I can do is send my love to you and hopes for you to feel better soon. I can’t say I know just how you feel, but I do go through some of that in September and October when I see winter coming around the corner. I know I have SAD and I merely tolerate the short, cold days and Christmas holidays, when everyone else is so happy, but I’m not. Now that the days are just minutes longer, I feel better. I hope you will, too, and very soon.
Thank you! I am sure I shall revert to “normal” soon!
I hope you feel better going forward.
Bless you, thanks.
No, you are not alone. Your poem resonates in my heart, too. And you described it so eloquently. I hope you find lightness again soon.